He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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