he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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