so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
