What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
