im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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