Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
