I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
