two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize