he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
