Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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