I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you never un-have a 4some
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
