I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
