Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
