Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
