i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
