and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
