The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
