1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just had sex bonerless
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize