He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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