I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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