Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
