Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize