He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
