Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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