Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
