Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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