never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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