She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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