My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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