I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
