She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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