there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
