I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
try to milk me bitch
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