Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
