If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
