I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
