I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
