When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
