You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i think i just lost a toe
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
