I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
