Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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