My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This is my gift to your gina
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
