Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
