i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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