3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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