My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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