I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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