Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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