I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
