i already hear my dad disowning me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
