Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize