Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
