how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
