I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
