Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
