Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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