I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
soo... how was my night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
