then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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