I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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