There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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