literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize