yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
