i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
