I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
