just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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