we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
