apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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