Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
