Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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