Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
