Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
