Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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