So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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